Art from Central Asia

SERGEY MASLOV

* 1952 Samara, Russia.
+ 2002 Almaty, Kazakhstan.

SURVIVAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR CITIZENS OF THE FORMER USSR

The translation of the “Instructions” into the languages of the 14 republics of the former Soviet Union have brought the project into its logical conclusion and have enriched it linguistically 15 times over. Now, any former Soviet person can come to the exhibition and read these instructions in his or her native language, finding something or another value in applying this advice in practice. If, of course, he or she feels the urge to do so.

Don’t speed to get rid of the tea made in a teapot. Having drunk some tea, get carefully the tea leaves from the teapot in a clean dish, pour up some cold water in there and boil it for two-three hours, having preliminary put there a clean tissue. When you do not have the money to buy some tea, you will be able to tear pieces of the tissue and to suck it.

If you feel embarrassed to steal, but you want still to survive, you can start with gathering empty bottles. Regular shops take it for three tenges per one bottle, and the special points of the factory – producer – for five tenges. Your harvest will be more abundant, if you get up earlier and walk around the loosest places: porches of buildings, public gardens, parks. Sometimes there is even some snack.

For us, the most accesible healthcare is urine. Everybody has it and it is for free. Wounds moistened with it heal and close more rapidly. Acconrding to the theory of Paul Bragg, urine administrated internally is capable of healing many internal wounds and rejuvenating the organism.

Dear women, always carry preservatives with you. You can become an object of sexual assault any time at any place. It is doubtful that the police (militia) will be able to protect you. After all they will take a bribe from the violator and let him go, and you will live with it. Try to perceive this accident as a joke or as a sacrifice and try to convince the attacker to use the preservative. In this case the risk of veneral diseases and AIDS is really decreased, because now the treatment is far to be affordable by everybody. If you make a decision to deliver and to bring up a child, it will be considerably more expensive.

Often, to the bottom of found bottles there is a liquid containing alcohol. With its help a holiday for the soul could be organized, it is necessary only to begin gathering everything into one bottle. If the cocktail does not seem tasty to you, you can introduce it inot your body by using the back passage. For the injection yo can use a Fanta or Coca-Cola plastic bottle. The same bottles are with pleasure exchanged for money by merchnats of the draught vegetable oil. One bottle – one tenge, ten bottles – ten tenges.

If the water supply in your appartment has been cut off, but you want to go to lavatory and don’t want the stink to hang around your apppartment, make your bussiness into plastic bags. You can throw these out through the window at night or carry them to a dump and discard them there. It is best of all to dispose them under trees; after all, they too lack fertilizer.

If the temperature in your home is low, you can use a metal tin can with stones, pun on a gas or electric stove in advance, as a heating system. To prevent the electric power meter from rotating too fast, you can fix its disk with a planed match or a piece of photo-film.

If the knees of your trousers or tights are worn out, you can easily make shorts or underwear pants from them; all you have to do is to cut the old bottom off. The pieces of old fabric can be used as insulant for the same underwear.

If during a long period of time your salary is not payed to you, take an attentive look at your enterprise, there is certainly something that could find the sale at a “Tastak” type market. Usually those who are not attentive to people, take a bad care after the property. Trade operations with the equipment of the enterprise could provide you a more profitable existance in comparison with the salary.

In summertime, provident nature endows us with a rich harvest of fruit and berries. You can dry these or make them into jam, even if you don’t have sugar. When you get some sugar, mix it with the jam. You’ll like it, trust me.

Dry pieces of bread yield very tasty cutlets, if the bread is soaked, wrung out, and mixed with a small quantity of minced meat and egg. It is better to buy broken eggs, since they are 50% cheaper, and the taste is the same. Tender meat that tastes like chicken can be found on the hind legs of the frog. There are very many fat frogs in the lakes at Aeroportovskoe and Pervomayskoe.

Expozitia ›Art from Central Asia‹ Curator: Viktor Misiano vizitata la:

Centre for Contemporary Art * http://www.csw.art.pl
Ujazdowski Castle
Al. Ujazdowskie 6, 00-461 Warszawa
Pologne

Instructiunile sunt scrise si in limba romana (mi-a luat ceva timp sa ma lamuresc de ce: limba oficiala a Republicii Moldova, a raspuns cu usurinta flo')